Reaching Higher

2008-06-03T07:13:00.000-07:00

PRAYER FOR SERENITY

GOD grant me Serenity
To accept things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And Wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time,
Enjoying one moment at a time.
Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace.
Taking as Jesus did --- This sinful world as it is,
Not as I would have it.
Trusting that You will make all things right,
If I surrender to Your will.
So I will be reasonably happy in this life,
And supremely happy with You forever in the next. AMEN

-- Reinhold Nieburh

Life's Goal

2008-05-10T05:44:00.000-07:00

Learn to speak Mandarin
Learn to speak Japanese
Learn to speak French
Learn Linux, Mac
Learn Windows and Lnux server management
Type 80 words per minute
Play classical guitar
Play violin
Play the saxophone
Join the worship team in church
To sing as a lead vocal
Go on missions trip locally
Go on missions trip to India
Go on missions trip to Cambodia
Go on missions trip to Afganistan
Go on missions trip to Iraq
Go on missions trip to China
Learn to use a rifle and handgun
Enter a shooting competition
Go bungee jumping
Go sky diving
Deep diving at 40ft
Touch a shark while diving
Visit the Arctic
Visit the Antarctic
Visit the Pyramids and Sphinx of Egypt
Climb to Kinabalu Mountain's peak
Climb to Everest's peak
Visit the Great Barrier Reef of Australia
Visit Himeji Castle of Japan
Visit Ha Long Bay of Vietnam
Climb the steps of KLCC
Climb the steps of Eiffel Tower
See, touch and taste snow
Own and operate a jazz cafe
Be my own cook in cafe
Be a leader in Church
Preach a msg in front of 10 people DONE
Preach a msg in front of 100 people
Remember my friends birthdays
Find and own a home
Get married
Stay married to the same woman
Own a billiard table in my home
Own a Suzuki Swift
Shake hand to and remember the names every member of my church
Complete my degree
Reduce and maintain body weight of 68kg
Learn fencing
Obtain 1nd Dan in Taekwondo DONE
Obtain 2nd Dan in Taekwondo
Obtain Shodan in Aikido
Learn Yang style Tai Chi Chuan
Obtain BlueGreen Corda in Capoeira
Learn Kyūdō きゅうどう
Take part in Taekwondo tournaments DONE
Conduct a class to teach people defending themselves practically
Able to still kick ass at the age of 90

Lord with this goals written above, I pray that You'll bless me and empower me through all. I lay these goals and dreams at Your feet, knowing that in You all things are possible. Grant me dear Lord, the courage to change things I can, the peace to accept those I can't, and the wisdom to know the difference. Amen

May 10 2008 9:30pm

New job

2008-05-10T02:59:00.000-07:00

About two months back, I was introduced to a job vacancy in Sunway University College as an IT executive. It sounds cool, and already I was sick and tired of my so called "Radio Engineer" job I'm ready to jump into something new.

Well truthfully, I was already looking into different options already. To this date, I can't seem to forget all the atrocities my previous employment have inflicted on me. Fair, colleagues are great but that's all that keeping me sane there. . .
- The pay sucks, even for a guy without a degree and working experience of almost 2 years working for that despicable uncle of mine, I'm having a nett salary of MYR1160.00 ( yes, I'm giving the PnC out, so sue me ). Minus off my SOCSO and what expenses I "owe" company during outstation trips my salary is dropped down to 3 digits. Whoopdie-do!
-I don't get OT pay even when we worked waaayy off working hours. At peak periods we slave ourselves into 9pm, 12am and frequently doing overnights. Oh, that's not all. There's also Sundays to mention. In Malaysian Employment Act 1995, all employees suppose to receive overtime bonus for those whose salary is RM1500 or lower. I guess I fall under that category, but I truly doubt others in such my caliber have such a pathetic basic.
-When traveling outstation on work basis, I don't get any allowance. Sure we do get money, but in normal company those financial beneficiary are officially called allowance not advances. And therefore your salary does not get cut at the end of the month failing to produce receipt on traveling and accommodation expenses ( food does not count ).

Wow I'm really worked out ranting on my ex-boss/ uncle. Yes, he is my uncle of whom offered support in financing my education. Why the fuck else do you people think when I accepted his offer of MRY800.00 when I first started working for him!?

Let's see what have I done. To date I've :-
- Did designs for in-building proposal for Celcom. By proposal I mean the whole nine yards from the initial site survey, design, calculation and speculation work, quantity calculation, material calculation and estimate, price calculation, presentation and even the delivery of the proposal.
- Did marketing works for radio equipment for Celcom and Maxis. That includes whining, begging, lying.. *ahem* negotiating with Chinese, Indian, American, European and local people.
- Did testing, rectifications for cellphone coverage enhancing repeaters
- Prepared designs diagrams, calculation cost, readied Chinese manufactures for photovoltaic energy project that was NEVER to be seen. What a fucking waste of time. I still remember all those chinese guys calling up to me asking when is the commencement of project and how guilty I felt when lying to them "It's coming soon. bla bla "
- Secured an Data Voyage Recoder technical training from an American company. Alone. Those that attended had cert that the boss quickly took a copy of for his own devilish gains.
- Alone managed company LAN and Infra
- Alone managed company email, website and provided support
- Alone designed the company's LAN and server diagram
- Spearheaded the construction and wiring for LAN cable and keystone. I checked, outside IT companies are charging RM300.00 per keystone. I did around 30+. That's not even including the server and LAN setup.
- ALONE provided ad-hoc service for any computer breakdown. Tell me who the fuck knows anything about computer?! And the fucking boss thinks he's so damn smart.
"Block the virus from the server lor. Then dont need to buy AV for each PC" - LYH
Like WOW!!! I'm pretty sure your employees don't use pendrive, and other removable media. CDs are removable, the last I checked. And who the fuck you think you are? Who fucking designed the network? How the fuck did you concluded that the server is the only gateway between workstations and the Internet? Fucking cheapo.
And thus, when and only when every single PC in the entire company started to breakdown and blowup then he decided to get anti virus for every PC. Quietly. Without consulting me HAH!
- Not to mention also all those time he tells me to go do odd jobs ( like I don't already have enough work in office ) like driving all the way to Penang to take a look at some network printers. I can't blame him. I'm probably the only guy in whole north region that day who knows how to rectify network printers. AND I'm ONLY PAID 1160.00 RINGGIT PER MONTH TO BOOT. EVEN NEW GUYS IN MY COMPANY GETS AT LEAST 50% MORE THAN ME AND I'M ALREADY 2 YEARS MORE EXPERIENCED

...

ok ok .. enough rant. for now.

In short, all these while for the last few month working for you, I want to say..

FUCK YOU ASSHOLE

Ah, that 3 words out I also would like to thank you for all the experience and opportunities you've provided to me. It's really thanks to you that my new boss takes pity on my despairing situation and took me in.

Hopefully my dear cousins would stumble here and read this and tell you all about it :D
God bless

ps: oh crap, I'm supposed to talk about my new job =( Later ..

Crossroads

2008-02-17T16:34:00.000-08:00

There's a couple of paths now to take, where it leads me I don't know. But I do know that at least I'm moving forward.

1. Work in China. I have a couple contacts there. With a little brush up in Mandarin I'll be fine
2. Work in Vietnam. There's a good opening for IBM and couple from Malaysian based companies. It's going to be tough learning a new language, but I'll have help from the local friends and contacts.
3. Work for another company in Malaysia. So far I've sent my resume to a few but no word.
4. Slave on in this company.

Where one door closes, another will open. I believe that there's more to what I'm to do right now. I know that opt 4 isn't the right path

I'm fine

2008-01-20T20:27:00.001-08:00

=.= ok ok. Perhaps I might have implied an exaggerated gravity of the situation. ( But hey! It's not everyday I go being toufu and thank everyone ). No I wasn't depressed and no I'm not dying. I just appreciate some stuffs you guys did, and for a rare moment I went all sentimental.

And this is some of the response I get is "WEI!! ARE YOU DYING?!" and "dood, have u seriously turned gay?". Man..

Well anyways, thanks guys for those who visited me. Bet you're surprised to see me unscratched and without bandages. My first two visitors came after the effects of the happy gas began to wear off. Two very important people to me. After all those times telling each other to meet up, the place we finally do meet up is in a hospital. Heh.

Oh Shan Lyn, don't think the effects of the anesthetics dulled my senses. You said you're bringing CAKE! =( I'm sooo sad. Oh well, it's okay. I feel much better after seeing someone =D

The operation went fine. Tooth and growth was removed from my cheek. Truthfully, I feel much better than I never been before. I used to have a lot of migraine just seeing the PC for a few hours. But I'm fine these days, minus the toothache. They sliced open a hole above my gums ( in contrast, the doc told me he's going through the nose. Or perhaps he did go somewhere in the nose through the gums.. ) . It was my first time admitted in a hospital and gone through a surgery. Interestingly, the operation theater do have music playing. I remember some Enya music and the anesthetic doc singing to it while he sent me to sleep.

Um.. No hard feeling for those I prevented from coming k? That day itself there was 19 visitors and unfortunately I didn't opt for a deluxe suite, rather I shared the ward with 4 other patients. The last bunch was scuttled off by the security guard =p

The follow on checkup will be tomorrow, which is tuesday. I suppose they'll also update me on the lab test for the growth. A sample of it was taken to be examined by their labs for diseases and whatnots.

Link- Kathlynn's Anatomy : Visiting Hours

Thanks

2008-01-15T23:37:00.000-08:00

My operation will take place in Sunway Medical tomorrow at 1pm.
Thanks huddle members, you bros are the best.
Thanks Vinod for some light on medication, at least I know a lil of what to expect.
Thanks friends who knows about the condition and gave me encouragement despite my lame attempts at jokes.
Thanks Shan Lyn, Jess, Lucas, Seat for hearing my crap, bearing my heightened level of craziness.
Thanks my other bros that unknowingly helped me to loosen up in COD4.

Hohoho so tomorrow I'll finally be admitted in a hosp. I'll see you guys for those coming but lemme know in advance ya? Everything is by God's will

Saying a Prayer

2008-01-11T20:08:00.000-08:00

I noticed from people around me, there's many ways to pray. Some pray with flowery words, long and winding, some can quote the entire bible supporting each prayer points, some pray with fervent intensity, some emotional with tears flowing down. But the person who struck me most with his praying is Ps. Kenneth Chin ( yes I looked ). I can't explain it through mortal means, the way he prays struck me deeply. He's calm, yet passionate. He's very direct with his words, short sweet but filled with meaning and power.

I thought about this as I read a part yesterday's daily Word. Matt6:5-8
"And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by men. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him."

I can't say long prayers, nor as what Jesus puts it babbling like pagans. I can't do flowery words, or quote off-hand Bible verses no matter how hard I try. I feel worse, and out of God's grace when I try too hard extending my prayer for the sake of just extending it. I feel like a hypocrite and untrue to my prayers. I guess I should stop following another's footsteps and make my own. After all, God create us each of us uniquely. One differs from another in speech, way of conduct, and thoughts; but our hearts remains the same if we all chase after Jesus. Though we might not understand each other, God still sees our intentions in our hearts when no man can.

Hmm but it's still no excuse for me not to do harder, perhaps one day too I'll be able to quote God's Word by heart without trying.

..Just not too hard.

Operation confirmed

2008-01-11T08:13:00.000-08:00

Alright, the date of the operation is set on 17 Jan 2008. For those who don't know, I went to hospital in late '07 to check on a few health issues. The main thing was involving my eye, which was terribly sore and painful in bright lights. The condition lasted several days before I gave in seeing a doc. I thought it was something to do with my sinus. I first saw a nasal specialist whom sent a nice long tube up my nose to check the innards. Remotely satisfied, he said it looked healthy enough but still sent me down to do a CT scan. According to him my what-it's-name canal might be blocked or infected or whatnot and is effecting my tear being discharged normally. In a already sick and weak state I just agreed and went down to do that CT scan.

The results in words are exactly as follows:

COMPUTED TOMOGRAPHY OF THE PARANASAL SINUSES

Plain coronal scans of the paranasal sinuses.

The nasal septum is fairly central.
Migrated Lt. Upper molar with associated dentigerous cyst in Lt maxillary sinus
The frontal, ethmoid, Rt maxillary and sphenoid sinuses are clear.
Bilateral concha bullosa of the middle turbinates

I didn't saw the CAT film at all, more concentrating on interpreting the above. I didn't make a sense out of it other than I suspected a tooth moved a bit.

When I went back to that nasal doc he did an obvious better job at explaining it to me. Basically my left molar went up my cheek instead of down, the bone that's suppose to support my teeth from going anyway was eaten away and there's now a growth around that runaway tooth. I panicked even more when he mentioned cancer, teratoma ( which I learnt is some sort of cancer involving not just small tissue growth but growth of tissues that are developed into various parts of your body, in the oddest places. More info here and here. ). Then only he mentioned it might just be a minor thing and removal of tooth could solve everything. Sigh

Well anyway, he just asked me to check with a dentist and see if it could be removed from mouth. Else, if the dentist can't do it, he suggested to do a surgery with him. He'll remove it via the nose. I'm not too sure of the process but I'll be finding out soon. From what I learn so far, the tooth could be lasered into smaller bits and removed.

I then went on to the eye specialist, to check on the eye. Which was not as emotionally uplifting as the nasal's visit. My eye having some toxic poisoning which are caused by a contact lens solution. She concur that I should just stop contacts entirely for a while. Her diagnosis is more acceptable, since I did change a different brand of solution just recently.

I'm still sick, was getting worse mid this week but now reduced to some coughing and minor migraine. I'm still getting those feverish feelings but it's not too bad.

How do I feel about all these? I don't know. I just felt really small. And powerless. It reminds me of a song called "Gone". A song that was used in ACTS's Christmas play years back. Everything is temporal and it could be gone. "Nothing lasts in this life". I'm just a mere mortal playing through the drama of a higher power. Tried so hard, failed so many times that I don't feel like trying anymore. But then again, what else is there to do other than trying again? I don't feel like giving up either.

Since I'm here, might as been update on the BRP.
Day3 : Completed. Including the matt4.
Day4 : Completed.

Noted verses:

Matt6:9-15

"This, then, is how you should pray:
Our Father in Heaven,
hallowed be Your name.
Your Kingdom come,
Your will be done,
on earth as it is in Heaven.
Give us today our daily bread,
Forgive us our debts,
as we forgive our debtors,
And lead us not into tempatation,
but deliver us from the evil one. For if you forgive men when they sin against you, Your Heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. "

BRP Progress

2008-01-10T02:53:00.000-08:00

Today's the third day of the Bible reading plan. So far, the first night I did complete all the scheduled chapters. Just barely. I'm down with flu and fever since 3days ago. Normally I'd just sleep it off and it'll go away. But this time, even with the help of medication it didn't. Wonder what caused it, if it's just not some simple flu? Is it a sign my body is beginning to deteriorate visibly? I'm not sure and honestly, I'm afraid of the doc's diagnosis.

It's hard to believe I can get well, especially with a throbbing migraine, swollen tonsils, among other afflictions. It's hard to say "I know I'll get well, since by His stripes I've already been healed", I'm afraid of the disappointment when I didn't get heal as fast as I believed I would be, or after healing I'm again hit by another unfortunate event. My life, by so far I have done or have nothing I'm proud of save for a few. The only one hope I'm clinging on to is on my family in church. I don't know how or why, but just a vague feeling that I made the right choice in returning to ACTS.

Gah, what the heck am I mumbling about. Back to the topic. The first day was completed, but yesterday I fell asleep doing matt4. Which adds up for today.

Day1 : Complete
Day2 : Matt4 incomplete
Day3 : Matt4,5; Gen 13,14,15,16,17

Noted verses:

Matt1:23
"The virgin will be with a child and she will give birth to a son and they will call him Immanuel, which means "God with you""

Bible Reading Plan JAN

2008-01-08T00:22:00.000-08:00

Church's having a bible reading plan to finish reading the Bible in a year. Hohoho it's already 8th Jan and I'm waay behind schedule. Let's see, guess I'll have to revamp the schedule a bit.

8 Jan Matt 1,2 ; Gen 1,2,3,4,5,6
9 Jan Matt 3,4 ; Gen 7,8,9,10,11,12
10 Jan Matt 5 ; Gen 13,14,15,16,17
11 Jan Matt 6 ; Gen 18,19,20,21,22
12 Jan Matt 7, 8:1-17 ; Gen 23,24,25,26
13 Jan Matt 8:18-38, Matt 9:1-17; Gen 27,28,29,30
14 Jan Matt 9:18-38, Matt 10:1-20; Gen 31,32,33,34,35
15 Jan ..back on track

>.< That's quite a bit to read up on. I wonder if God would be displeased if I read then fell asleep? Would it mean a thing if I didn't do it properly, even with the intentions to do it? I for one don't like doing something if I can't do it properly, why start when I know it's not going to be perfect? Nothing is perfect I know, but still... Sigh, and I know from past that when I know something isn't worth doing, I won't do it. AND I'll just laze and lie back. In the end nothing at all gets done and I achieved nothing *reminiscence..* I suppose one could only live in the past for so long. With God all things are possible Amen?
Some would tell me, God seeks our heart and would be pleased to see a willing heart. I won't know unless I try.. hence this year would be a different year. A year that I will remember, rather than all those fly-through years. Remember for sweetness, or bitterness? I don't know, but I got a feeling it'll be a mix

January

First words..

2008-01-06T06:43:00.000-08:00

Being away from Church for so long made me forgotten my priorities in life. I admit I'm at fault here. Too tired from working, working, overslept are all just excuses that should be discard from mindset. Even service now starts at 10:30am. A good hour plus extra from before. Those days I was even serving in the Multimedia Team ( now known as ACTS TV ), I had to be in church by 7:45am else my mentor would give me his divine smile *shudder*.

Work isn't that important, money isn't either. Sometime when you work so hard for something it'll still fall apart. Since you've already planned so far, so perfect, the blame shouldn't be on you no? Who else to blame? God? Devil? Questions after questions fills our head when failure occurs. Why me? Are You punishing me? Why am I not protected? Why did it failed?

The question we should really ask is: Is that something worth it? If yes, then start over. If no, think it over. Perhaps that something or goal isn't all that soul enriching or rewarding and just a whimsical mortal desire. I do have a story to share and I want to share it, once I get my thoughts sorted out and cleared up.

Today, I made another vow. I pray deeply I won't break this one. I vowed to be used by God. To go wherever He send me. To do whatever He asks. I had this desire as well a year ago, before I've gotten distracted. I've let myself to be influence by the material world, hence prioritizing money. I made money my God.

Matt6:24
"No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money"

Perhaps now, while keeping journal of my walk, I would see clearer where my path goes..

The Lord is my Shepherd; I shall not want.
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures:
He leadeth me beside the still waters.
He restoreth my soul:
He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for His name' sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil: For thou art with me;
Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me.
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies;
Thou annointest my head with oil; My cup runneth over.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the House of the Lord forever.
- PSA 23 KJV